AN UNEXPECTED START

Today is the first day of school in 2017. A happy come back after a long stretch of year-end holiday. 

As the years before, I set out from house at 6.45am. Reach school happily at 7.15am. With a bright smile, anxiously waiting to set foot at my new place in the Staff Room. I sat at the back of the room last year, but moved to the middle section of the room. Yay!!

Many parents came for registration purposes with the HM while other teachers were instructed to the other building for cleaning & painting purposes. We white wash the walls until 11am.

Then Tqah, Zati and I went down for our break. We ate at Kak Aishah's restaurant. Out of nowhere, Pakcik came to join. See what I mean?? I tried getting him out of my life, but he seem to get even closer. Haishh..

Upon payment, we set back for the office. On the way back, I received a text from my employer, wanting me to be in the office immediately. So there I was, sitting in her office. But somehow, my heart was beating fast and it was freezing cold in her office! I felt very uneasy. Something was not right!

My employer requested me to sign the Appointment Letter. Since we are employed on a contract basis, therefore our contracts are renewed annually. After signing the document, my employer began a serious talk with me. 😟😟 

Questioning me about all the SADNESS that was occupying the school. Asking me about my BEHAVIOUR or should I say my DISRESPECT to the HM. For heaven's sake, I was said to be over-ruling the HM's judgements and decisions. GOSHHH!! That was a total nonsense.

Pakcik & I was also suspected to be keeping the extra money from the School Trip last year, to ourselves. This is totally absurd!! That bitch HM was way out of mind telling nonsensical stories to the employer. And to make matters worst, she even mentioned that the School Trip balance was used to buy mugs for my 2016 Prefects. I strongly denied them to my employer. The gifts for prefects were all MY money. Why not from school?? That bitch said that the school does not have money to give certs to the prefects. As their Discipline Teacher, can also be considered as their mother, I felt very sad. 

The whole year long, prefects had been kicking their butts out washing the toilets, sweeping the corridors, in-charge of the classes & throwing rubbish, but NO APPRECIATION at all!! FOR REAL?? I can't just watch, doing nothing! I'm responsible for them, so I have to give them something. And to my surprise, it became a huge issue!! What kind of mentality does the HM & employer have??

My employer also mentioned that in the Appointment Letter, there was a clause stating that there was a probation period. To my RUDE surprise, I was one of the three people who was under probation!! The other two are Tqah and Zati. SURPRISED?? From the same group of people. My heart was simply CRASHED!! My employer mentioned that she had high expectations on Tqah & I, but due to some 'rebellious' stuff that we did, we were put under probation period.

To make matters worse, the probation reports will be based on HM satisfactory towards us. NONSENSE!! That bitch won't be satisfied until we are terminated!! I had nothing more to say at that point of time. My employer wanted to know what my problems were, but I kept them silent. 

One thing I said to my employer before I left the room. "Well, if you think I'm not fit to work here, it's ok to proceed with your actions." She tried consoling me and comforting me, but everything was too late. I've started crying. Yes, I CRIED in front of my employer. I can't stand the nonsense anymore!! My employer told me not to take it NEGATIVELY, but try to change.

To be frank, it is NOT me who have to change, but the BITCH HM!!! I thanked my employer before leaving the room. Wiped my tears dry before going out.

I guess the feeling will never be the same. I will have to go through my 3-months probation period, full of misery. I hope Allah will help me pull through. But if I have been fated to end my career as an educator, I have to put trust in Him. However, I will stand for my rights & meet face-to-face with my employer, and tell all the goofy & bogus stuffs that the HM had been doing.

I'm a person of my words. I say I'll do it, I mean it!! Mark my words, I smell trouble coming up~

~ CHIEF ~

THE SECRET SOMEONE

It has been 2 years since I last wrote here. Hmm~ I don't really know what got me caught up 'til I had NO time.. I repeat NO time to drop my ideas here. 😓

Since the long silence, many things had come and go. MANY.. or should I say MUCH!! Everything came too fast, too difficult for me to handle. But somehow, Allah made me pull through all those things.

Well... almost everything. All but one thing I'm still waiting to make things undone. I hoped that this thing won't happen. If only time could be turned back to where I wasn't like I am today.

WHAT??

Hmm.. I fell for my colleague. I just don't know how it happened, but it just did. 😢😢😢😢 Probably because I tried helping him out of his unintended problems.

Eldest from 13 siblings. He was a pious gentleman. He was kind, shy & timid. He even tried avoiding eye-contacts. Probably he had been well-educated with good Islamic values. Alhamdulillah~ 😄 We became quite close in 2015. 

But it came to a sudden stop after Hari Raya!! He had someone in his heart. And the someone is also my colleague. At that point of time, my heart was simply crashed!! 😢😢😢😢😢 Well it was my fault though for not telling him how I felt for him. WHY didn't I tell him so?? AGE BARRIER!! Yup. It was simply because of our age difference. I was 31 and he was 24. A 7-year difference. Haishhh~ Somehow, he began to change~

Though I was crying & torn inside, I still prayed that he will lead a happy life with the person he had chosen. Alhamdulillah, she was also from the similar background as his, Islamic. I hoped Allah give me strength to undergo all those unwanted feelings deep inside my heart. Many things happened along the way into the new year.

2016 arrived. I survived watching the person I loved (whom I kept secret) to be so happy with his other half. I've decided to move on, and let the things I've gone through just pass by. I was determined. Someone will be hurt with this decision, and of course the someone will  be ME!! Haishhhh~

Everything was going well for him and her until it was Ramadhan. I got news from my other friends that they have broke-up. Is a family matter actually. Am I relieved?? I was not. I didn't even pity him. I was trying to satisfy my feelings. I did not mean to be so mean to him but I know that was the only thing I could do to restrain myself from loving him again.

As the months passed by, as if fated, I came to start loving him again. AGAIN!! Gosh Shaz!! What is wrong with you?? Don't you have pride?? We settled problems together, discussed several issues together and even go out together (with a group of course!!) We became close again.

Somehow, my little besties came to know of my feelings towards him. They started to "match-make" me with him. They directed the matter to him, right at his face and mine. I pretended not to be aware. He tried avoiding it as well. In fact, I don't expect him to love me in return. Coz I know where I stand, never in his eyes nor his heart.

By now, after the "SPECIAL TREATMENT" by my besties, he must have known my feelings towards him. Every time in front of me, he likes to sweet-talk to my best buddy. He even mentioned that he would propose to my best buddy. MY HEART!!! It's going to break again..

And it was this afternoon that those things happened. Why do I deserve such treatment?? If this was his test, well, he has SUCCEEDED to make me cry my way back home, to the praying mat and onto bed. I am still crying while writing this post. 

It crossed my mind.. Why am I still loving a person who will not accept me?? Is this what people claim to be LOVE?? Love is supposed to be sweet, not tearful. SERIOUSLY, I ❤ YOU, PAKCIK. Before I left him for good the other day, I texted him through WhatsApp:

Assalam ********,

kte nk minta maaf selama bkawan kte dah byk wat awk kecik aty, sakit aty, meluat, menyampah, tsinggung, tguris dan mcm2 lg. kte xcukup matured pd usia kte. kte nak minta dihalalkan ilmu, nasihat & perkongsian awk dgn kte. terima kasih byk2!!

kte ni jenis ckp lepas, xreti nk jg aty kwn2. kte minta maaf! kte pon xtau pasni kte ada lg ke x nk tlg awk kalo awk perlukan ape2. kte xmampu nk tlg awk lebih2 sbb tu je kte tdaya.

kte harap awk dipermudahkan urusan mencari kerja baru. kte xdpt nk tlg awk. mungkin ada org lain yg sudi tlg awk atau sudi amik awk bkeje nnt. insyaAllah. kte hny ley doa dr jauh je.

nnt kalo awk keje jauh, jaga laa diri. jangan laa ulangi kesilapan yg sama. kalo xsihat, rujuk kpd yg pakar. nnt bila ada ms free, pegi laa check tekanan darah awk semula. yg hari tu mmg di luar keadn normal.

jgn wat mak susah aty. mak mmg xtunjuk, tp pasti ada. jaga adik2 baik2 trutama yg pompuan. dunia skrg dh lain.. tabahlah mengharungi idop!

terakhir skali, kte nak minta no. acc bank islam awk.. kte nak bayar hutang kte kat awk.. mungkin kte xbkesempatan dah nk jmpa dgn awk pasni. kte doakan awk akn lebih gembira & bahagia dpd skrg!

terima kasih utk segala-galanye.

p/s: jaga hbgn awk dgn Allah, pasti Dia akn jaga awk. 😃

I hope that he will lead a happy life from today on. I will try hard to forget him. If that is what he insist on. I will fulfill his wish. I will go far from him, from his mind, from his heart, from his life. InsyaAllah.. I know that Allah will give me the strength that I need!!

[credit to Google Images]

And currently I'm spending my time like this... Crying and crying and crying and keep on crying...

~ CHIEF ~

REC PENANG

Hmm.. I can say that this is an unexpected choice! It is a coincident but would it likely be a fated coincidence? :)

It is my 1st day working after an 8-month stretch of unemployed period. = =" A journey from being an Engineer to becoming a Teacher. Way detoured off the path.

ROHINGYA EDUCATION CENTRE. REC in short. A place where Rohingya refugees' children seek shelter for education. A place far away from their homeland. A place they needed to be in order for them to change their future.

Educating may seem easy but I know it is a tough job! Why?? Just refresh our memories. What we used to do in school? How teachers treated us back then? Will we be who we are now if not for whom we were before?

InsyaAllah.. I will do my best to help them strive! Is for the sake of ummah~ We need to help those in need.

May Allah ease my teaching journey!!

WELCOME CIKGU SHAZ!! ^_^

CHIEF

Penat..

penat..

sering diucapkan semua orang

tika pulang bersekolah

tika pulang berlibur

tika pulang bekerja

penat..

punya definisi pelbagai

bergantung kepada hari

bergantung kepada situasi

bergantung kepada punya diri

penat..

datang dalam pelbagai bentuk

dari segi rohani tanda kurangnya iman

dari segi jasmani tanda kurangnya kesihatan

dari segi minda tanda kurangnya ilmu

penat..

macam-macam yg perlu difikirkan

hal berkaitan dunia, kehidupan dan kematian

hal berkaitan hati, tersakiti dan menyakiti

hal berkaitan akhirat, neraca dan azab

tapi..

ada yg xpernah membicarakan soal penat

ibu yg sentiasa ada utk susah senang keluarganya

bapa yg sentiasa bersiang-malam mencari rezeki

sahabat ikhlas yg sentiasa mengesat airmata kita

sabarlah duhai hati

CHIEF

TERIMA KASIH

Terima kasih buat yg mengandungkan ku,

Terima kasih krn melahirkan ku,

Terima kasih buat yg mbesarkan ku,

Terima kasih krn mbuka ruang utk ku mengenal dunia,

Terima kasih ats kemewahan, keindahan, kegembiraan, keharmonian utk ku,

Terima kasih krn btgkus lumus mcarikan ku sesuap nasi,

Terima kasih krn bsabar dgn karenah & kederhakaan ku,

Terima kasih krn sudi bkorban segalanya,

Terima kasih ats kepercayaan yg tiada phujung,

Terima kasih ats doa yg tiada putus utk jodohku,

Terima kasih ats peringatan d alam barzakh,

Tiada ku bdaya harungi hidup,

Tanpa kalian..

Nukilan hati,

::anak yg bdosa::

CHIEF

Neither Raindrops Nor Teardrops

raindrops

came down from d bubbling clouds

to wash filth on earth

to water the plants & trees

to provide sufficient water for consumption

to brush away the debris

to clean the mud from the path

teardrops

came running down the cheeks

to remove the harshness of life

to brush away the sins

to exclude the nasty facts

to rinse all the daily leftovers 

to scrub off the tainted heart

neither raindrops nor teardrops

had cured my soul~

a quick rest is the solution

is it?

CHIEF

Masa berlalu

masa berlalu..

umpama gugurnya daun menyembah bumi..

ada tua,ada yg muda..

masa berlalu..

umpama kata berbisa yg terpacul tika bicara..

kpd yg tua, juga kpd yg muda..

masa berlalu..

umpama hayunan tangan menyinggah di kulit..

oleh yg tua,mahupun yg muda..

masa berlalu..

umpama deraian mutiara penyesalan tak berpenghujung..

milik yg tua,juga yg muda..

masa yg berlalu itu..

tidak akan kembali..

usah biarkan..

masa terus berlalu..

CHIEF

Airmata

pada linangan airmata itu..

tersimpan erat jerih payah persahabatan..

pada linangan airmata itu..

terakam kemas memori jatuh bangun pembelajaran..

pada linangan airmata itu..

terlintas episod durhaka seorang anak..

pada linangan airmata itu..

terlerai taat seorang hamba..

pada linangan airmata itu..

terukir jelas balasan dan azab..

pada linangan airmata itu..

masih adakah iman d dada dan taubat nasuha?

dan airmata itu terus mengalir... ;-(

CHIEF

Tatkala itu..

tatkala kita menongkah arus..

pernah kita fikirkan yg merempuh badai?

tatkala kita meniti belukar..

pernah kita fikirkan yg meredah belantara?

tatkala kita mengeluh kepanasan..

pernah kita fikirkan yg rezekinya bermain api?

tatkala kita mendengus tiada kelazatan..

pernah kita fikirkan yg sentiasa kebuluran?

tatkala kita tidak bersyukur..

pernah kita fikirkan yg Allah sentiasa menyayangi?

inikah balasan kita kpd Pencipta?

layakkah kita merebut kasih sayang Nya?

pilihlah jalan yg Dia redhai..

CHIEF

Ku Kan Pergi

Ku terfikir

Andai itu berlaku

Mampukah aku teruskan?

Apa persepsi orang lain?

Adakah ku jua akan merasa apa yg mereka rasa?

Ku laluinya

Nekad di dada

Cekal di hati

Tiada titik berundur

Jangan jilat setelah meludah

Ku berbicara suram

Jawapan mereka agak mengecewakan

Mempertikai keputusan diri

Konon berfikir tentang zaman ini

Segalanya sukar belaka

Ku berkira semula

Andai hasrat itu diteruskan

Apakah hasil masa depan ku?

Akan kecewakah insan yang ku sayang?

Apa masih ada peluang itu?

Ku terus percaya

Hati tidak pernah menipu diriku

Sesungguhnya telah ditetapkan Yang Esa

Perjuangan ku sekadar di sini saja

Melepaskan yang telah lama ku miliki

Ku nekad kini

Akan ku lalui semua ini

Penuh redha & pasrah pada Ilahi

Bersama Dia pemilik rezeki

Ada hikmah atas semua yang terjadi

Ku sudah bersedia

Warkah keramat sudah tersedia

Perutusan buat yang kehormat

Sebelum diri ini pergi selama-lamanya

Hormatilah segala yang ku putuskan

Ku punya prinsip

Tidak akan menuding jari

Biar ku tanggung segalanya sendiri

Doaku agar mereka berubah

Jangan sia-siakan insan yang telah berbudi

Ku mohon maaf

Andai gurau melampau batas

Kiranya tutur umpama halilintar

Jika perlakuan buruk perangai

Mohon dihalalkan segala-galanya

Kerana...

Ku kan pergi~

CHIEF

LADIES' WEEKEND TRIP

Program : 

Ladies' Weekend @ Cameron Highlands

Date : 

12~13 October 2013

Program Tentative

12 OCTOBER 2013

1. Check-out fr campus @ 0715

2. Drive-thru @ KFC Seberang Jaya @ 0730

3. Send Along & Acik's luggages @ K.Kangsar @ 0915

4. Journey to Cameron Highlands @ 1000

5. 1st stop @ Avant Chocolate @ 1215

6. Check-in @ TJ Lodge, Tanah Rata @ 1330

7. Lunch @ Kak Yan Tomyam, Tanah Rata @ 1500

8. Shopping @ Kea Farm @ 1615

9. Shopping continues @ Pasar Malam Brinchang @ 1800

10. Night walk @ Taman Rekreasi Tanah Rata @ 2000

11. Curfew time @ 2300

13 OCTOBER 2013

1. Check-out fr hotel @ 1000

2. Breakfast @ Brinchang Foodcourt @ 1045

3. Quick shopping @ Pasar Pagi Brinchang @ 1130

4. Pit stop @ Rose Valley, Tringkap @ 1200

5. Check-point @ Lavendar Farm, Kg.Raja @ 1315

6. Cameron Valley @ Kg. Raja @ 1415

7. Push-off fr Cameron Highlands @ 1430

8. Reach Angah's house @ Lahat @ 1530

9. Send Along @ Sg.Perak @ 1715

10. Reach Bliaw's house @ Changkat Jering @ 1750

11. Check-out fr Bliaw's house @ 1910

12. Maghrib @ R&R Bukit Merah @ 1930

13. Dinner @ De Pauh Garden @ 2030

14. Send Acik to Jetty @ 2130

15. Send myself home @ Bayan Baru @ 2200

~welcome~

~ avant chocolate shop ~

~ avant chocolate garden ~

~ tj nur lodge ~

~ view from our room ~

~ kak yan tomyam ~

~ kea farm ~

~ taman rekreasi tanah rata ~

~ near cool point hotel ~

~ clock tower ~

~ presents from along, angah & achik ~

~ our breakfast ~

~ near a pond in rose valley ~

~ at rose valley peak ~

~ flowers ~

~ lavender farm ~

~ d daisy ladies ~

~ we r enjoying our trip ~

~ we were there ~

 

~ cameron valley tea plantation ~

~ bon voyage ~

~ gift from bliaw ;-) ~

Room Price : RM 140

(1 queen, 1 single, 1 matress, 1 bathroom)

Fuel Price : RM 70

(return)

Toll Price : RM 32.10

Juru --> K.Kangsar = RM 13.50

Ipoh S --> Spg.Pulai =  RM 1.80

Ipoh U --> Juru = RM 16.80

Total Charges : RM 242.10

Total Charges / Person : RM 60.50

CHIEF

HARI MENINGKATNYA USIA

ALHAMDULILLAH~

Itulah ungkapan utama yg mampu terbit tatkala detik jam 12tgh mlm dan ketika bangun dari tidur jam 6.15am. Syukur sangat2 sebab Allah masih belum menghentikan penyaluran oksigen ke badan ku ini. Syukur yg tiada penghujung kerana Allah dah genapkan umur ku ke angka 28. ^_^ Syukur yg tidak terhingga sebab Allah masih mengizinkan diriku untuk melihat dunia ini.

Pasti ada sebabnya Allah masih memanjangkan usia ku ini. Yg pasti nya diriku tidak tahu tujuan sebenar Allah memberi anugerah ini. Tapi sbg manusia yg tak jauh dari mencoret dosa, ssguhnya diri ini serba sedikit sedar tujuan Allah memanjangkan usia ini.

Allah nak sy berubah menjadi hamba yg lebih dekat pada Nya. Ternyata Dia telah membuka pintu aty sy utk membace Quran sekurang2nye 1 helai sehari sejak Rejab. Alhamdulillah tabiat tu kekal hingga ke hari ni!! Ada lagi tujuan Nya.. Sy dah macam rajin menunaikan Dhuha~ :)

Sy mmg hamba Nya sangat Dia sayangi & tak pernah Dia abaikan. Dia sentiasa mahu sy berjuang ke jalan Nya sambil istiqamah dlm jalan yg sy pilih & jalan yg Dia redhai.

Tak lupe juga kesyukuran ini sy panjatkan kpd Nya kerana mengurniakan sahabat2 yg masih mengingati hari kelahiran sy. So check it out sape insan2 yg terpilih itu!!

And d most valuable moments was d time I spent with my parents on my very BIG day :) We had dinner at Seoul Garden, Gurney Plaza~

~ my birthday presents from my parents ~

~ d adorable origami book of mine ~

CHIEF MAFIA

AM A SUSPECT

It's to good to be true~ But believe it!! My heart almost dropped of its branches as the doctor carry out the examinations on me.

1. Take my BP.
2. Take my temperature. [look at the thermometer unsatisfied]
3. Insert the thermo again n took out. [shaking the thermo to normal, again unsatisfied]
4. AGAIN take my temperature. [shaking his head.. VERY HIGH FEVER.]
5. Asked me "How does your tummy feel?" --> Is like the WHIRLPOOL inside my tummy!!
6. 1st conclusion : You are suspected to have appendix! [my heart went "Are you serious??" still smilimg]
7. 2nd conclusion : You are also suspected to have dengue fever! ["I am so gonna kill u doc!!" again in my heart~]

From d 1st conclusion, d doc pressed my right side of d abdomen. I put my finger on my navel, then doc press left & right of my abdomen. I felt painless. So d doc decided to scrape of the 1st assumption.

From d 2nd conclusion, d doc said that if my fever was to continuously b at the same level, I might need to be admitted to hospital. D doc also asked whether my joints & muscles were aching n my answer was definitely YES!!!

So.. Shazwani had learnt her lesson today. A beautiful lesson!! :) Now only Shazwani would take the time to look into the SYMPTOMS, CAUSES & EFFECTS of the illness.

#1. Symptoms of Appendix

• Belly-button pain (navel pain)
• Rapidly worsening pain
• Low-grade fever & chills
• Vomiting, nausea or loss of appetite
• Constipation or diarrhea
• Gas & bloating
• Rebound tenderness

You can read the rest and in-depth of the article at www.health.com.

As for those who are still in the midst of "What is appendix?", this picture below can be a little guide for you.

[source : www.webmd.com]

#2. Symptom of Dengue Fever

• Headache
• Fever
• Exhaustion
• Severe joint & muscle pain
• Swollen glands (lymphadenopathy)
• Rash

For a more detailed reading, a visit to www.medicine.net will be a good idea.

After the LONGGGGG treatment from d doc, I went home for a rest. That nite, I suffered the worst nitemare of my life.. I was shivering under my blanket --> juz like a drug addict!! =="

Fortunately luck was on my side.. I got an MC and will be release from work tomorrow :) Alhamdulillah~

CHIEF

SETAHUN YG TAK LUPUT

Hari ini ulangtahun itu kembali

Bukan ulangtahun yg perlu diingati

Tapi entah bagaimana

Pasti teringat sendiri kenangan itu

Saat malam nan indah itu

Tiba2 terkelamkan dek kata2

Yg pada mulanya memberi harapan

Namun akhirnya meruntun perasaan

Masih telinga ini terngiang

Masih mata ini terbayang

Masih hati ini tersiang

Namun bibir tiada tersenyum girang

Air mata menitis tiada yg peduli

Minda runsing tiada yg kisah

Hati gundah tiada yg tahu

Allah sahaja peneman setia

Mendengar semua yang diriku bicara

Menyaksikan titisan air mata

Memakbulkan segala doa

Andai segala yg pernah dibina

Cuma hiasan dunia semata

Maaf diminta atas khilaf semua

Ku insan biasa yg terus mengharap

Mencari jawapan yg tiada pasti

Mengubah diri menjadi terbaik

Kerana dirimu pernah hadir

Membawa cahaya dalam jalan ku

Menuju kebenaran jalan yg diredhai Nya

Tatkala ku terkapai2 di jalan dosa

Kamu hadir menyambut tanganku

Tatkala ku terhuyung-hayang di samar cahaya

Kamu tiba membawa nur bersama

Tatkala ku jauh tersimpang dari landasan

Kamu menerpa gagah menyelamatkan

Itulah urusan Allah yg tak pernah ku lihat

Cukuplah kamu dijadikan pinjaman

Agar ku dalam agama keagungan

Kini dan sepanjang zaman

Dirimu tetap ku kenang ke akhir hayat

Bukan kerana ada persahabatan

Tapi kerana ukhuwah yg pernah terjalin

Sungguhpun kita tiada ikatan

Bersyukurlah diriku dengan satu hubungan

Yg telah Allah permudahkan segala urusan

Sejak pertemuan kekal selagi hayat di kandung badan

Air mata kini ku titiskan

Bukan kerana mengenang yg lalu

Tapi mutiara ini ku titiskan

Kerana Allah masih membuka hatiku

Untuk tidak bermusuh dengan dirimu

Walaupun diriku kini tahu

Kamu tidak tercipta untuk ku

Setahun yg tak pernah luput

Ku abadikan dalam sanubari

Sehingga ku mati~

CHIEF

TEMAN PENGGANTI

(pandai tak sy cari dari youtube?)

Baru-baru ni sy ada terdengar di radio lagu nyanyian Black featuring Malique. Apabila sy dengar dgn penuh teliti, rupe2nya syahdu sungguh lagu ini. Lirik lagu nye ada di bawah ini sy copy-paste dari LIRIKLAGUMUZIKA. Jom bace lagunye..

Ketawa bersama
Menangis bersama
Ku bersumpah harap kira
Mati pun bersama

Sejak dua menjak ini

Makin kerap ku diganggu visi

Bila celik, juga bila mimpi

Aku nampak kau, tapi bukan aku yang di sisi

Dia membelaimu dengan izin dan permisi

Sentuhan katanya semuanya kau iakan

Sentuhan jari kau diamkan dan biarkan

Aku redha walau tidak ku damba

Walau hampa semuanya dah dijangka

Beberapa purnama dulu cinta bertahta

Kenangan dibina kita indah belaka

Ketawa bersama, menangis bersama

Ku bersumpah harap kita mati pun bersama

Namun hakikatnya, bukan mudah

Aku sembunyikan gulana-gundah

Segalanya kan berubah

Dengarkan apa yang ku mahu luah

*Rahsia ini

Telah lama ku pendamkan

Tiba masanya

Segala-galanya

Ku ceritakan

Aku kan pergi

Pergi ku tak akan kembali

Tiba masanya

Kau cari teman pengganti

Dalam dunia yang maya, prejudis dan bias

Kita tak terlepas dari terkena tempias

Rimas, ditindas, sembunyi dalam puisi dan kias

Tidak kau bidas, tak berpaling walau sekilas

Hanya kau yang tahu kodeksku yang kompleks

Dalam disleksia cuba kekal dalam konteks

Bila dunia seolah tak memahami

Kau sudi selami, dalami dan mengalami

Setia mendengar, sentiasa hadir

Ingat setiap ulangtahun, setiap hari lahir

Tiba pagi Syawal, kaulah yang terawal

Syawal yang terakhir ini pasti rasa janggal

70 000 hijab harus ku singkap

Ku sorok kitab balik tingkap penjara hinggap

Dalam diam ada, seorang yang ku puja

Kau teristimewa tapi dia yang sempurna

Ulang *

Sejak dua menjak ini, ku mencari fungsi kewujudan

Dalam persekitaran yang penuh kejumudan

Terperangkap dalam jasad, ku keliru

Mujur ada kau si peneutralisasi pilu

Namun aku tetap murung, berkurung

Tubuh makin susut, menunggu tarikh luput

Komplikasi di halaman rusuk kiri

Makin sukar nak bernafas, nak bergerak, nak berdiri

Lagu ini yang terakhir aku sajikan

Kalau rindu nanti bolehlah kau nyanyikan

Jaga diri, jangan makan hati

Yang patah kan tumbuh, yang hilang kan berganti

Bilik dah ku kemas, katil dah ku rapi

Cincin, kunci, dompet dalam laci

Ada sikit wang, itu saja baki

Moga-moga cukup untuk majlis itu nanti

Aku kan pergi

Bertemu kekasih abadi

Tiba masanya

Kau cari teman pengganti

Pada sy, lagu ni adalah nyanyian seorang suami kpd sang isteri, memberitahu yg dia akn meninggalkan isterinye kerana penyakitnya. :-( Sebelum dia pergi meninggalkan dunia ini utk selamanya, dia sudah pun dibayangi gambaran bahawa tempatnye akan diganti oleh seseorang yg bakal menggantikan tempatnya. Sungguhpun begitu, dia redha dan mahukan ada org menjaga isterinya.

Adakah sy emosi?? Harapn2 nye tidaklah.. Andai tersalah tafsir meanings di sebalik lagu ini, sy mohon maaf. Tapi siyesly lagu ni walaupun ala2 rancak, namun menyentuh aty dan sanubari.. Cewaaahhh~ :P

CHIEF